When I was in school, sex ed classes stressed the importance of abstinence—it was the best way not to get pregnant and the best way not to contract an STD, and kids our age just weren’t ready for it, anyway. As such, when we had a lesson about consent in grade 9, it was…
Question: Do u go on ur email often? Not sure if I should talk to u on there. I’ve been attacked by the same man for three years now and he’s starting again. The situation is complicated, not sure what to do. Pretty much done with my life.
Answer: That sounds like a really scary situation and I’d be happy to talk with you about it. I do my best to answer emails within a couple days. Feel free to email me.
If you’re “not all like that”, please call out the people in your particular group or movement who are just like that, rather than snapping at the people who do it for you.
If you have the energy to spend chewing out people who have been victimized by your group directly or indirectly, you should spend it on fixing that shit, or acknowledge that you yourself are probably just like that.
I just got a message on okcupid that consisted entirely of “You’re insanely pretty. wow.” It struck me that that kind of message is really just a legitimized form of catcalling. It’s about a man inserting himself into my (internet) space to objectify me and the expectation is that it’s supposed to make me feel good and validated. What’s especially aggravating about it in that context is that I have a profile that’s full of rich information about the complex and interesting human being that I am and yet all I get is internet catcalled.
— Jaclyn Friedman, “The (nonexistent) terrible, horrible, no good, very bad consequences of enthusiastic consent” (via flaqrancies)
Here is the thing. Our society teaches us that some people are inherently untrustworthy. That women are hysterical and overemotional and manipulative. We have these things for all marginalized identities. This is where the myth* of false accusations comes from.
When there is a discussion on rape, abuse, predators and survivors and people come in and say “but false accusations”, it is saying that the discussion over false accusations is more important and takes more precedent over the discussion of abuse- despite it being incredibly rare and despite abuse being reported left and right. Take into accounts that many reports of “false accusation” are actually true events that are just not believed and then the derail gets even more insulting. Also, in my world- rape is a much more serious crime than slander.
Look, I care about reality. I care that almost every person that bottoms in the scene that I know has been abused. I care that these people are suffering. I care that it is a very very small number of people doing a great deal of harm. I care that this is an real, current problem. No, I do not care about hypotheticals right now. No, I do not want to hear about how “well yes, these are good things but someone could lie!” I care enough about those who are suffering now that I will take that risk. If this community is serious about consent and serious about supporting survivors, you all need to take that risk with me."
All of this. Yes.
I’ve never heard someone say false accusations are good, or that we should just ignore them. It’s just that the false accusations are so rare (0,6%), and the effect of a false accusation is nowhere near as bad as rape (especially since most people accused of rape go unpunished).
I don’t think people who always bring up false accusations actually care that much, they’re just using it to derail the conversation and keep us from talking about the huge problem our society has with rape and rape culture.